The Stories That Carry Us

Holly helped me survive some of the hardest moments of my life. Through substance abuse, the death of my son, homelessness, raising a newborn, and escaping a domestic violence situation, she never judged me or made me feel small. She didn’t try to fix me, she showed up. She helped me pick up the broken pieces when I didn’t think I could and reminded me that my life still had value. Because of her, I learned how to keep going, how to heal, and how to rebuild myself into someone stronger than my pain.  ~Aonya'

I’m still learning how to speak up and express what’s really happening inside of me. I’ve learned that people will disappoint you, and that forgiveness doesn’t mean repeating the same mistakes. It means learning to recognize red flags while remembering that people are human, often acting from their own pain.

For most of my life, I was a quiet storm, riding the waves and acting like everything was fine while chaos swirled in me. On the outside, I looked put together. On the inside, I was angry, depressed, and overwhelmed. I coped by staying busy, working nonstop, rearranging things, avoiding stillness. I still do this at times, but now I’m more aware of my emotions and my patterns.

Today, I’m learning how to say, “I’m not okay.” I’m still learning how to ask for help. Sometimes that help looks like what I call “sleeping through the storm”, a reset nap that allows my mind and heart to breathe. Then I met Holly. She was everything I wasn’t.. loud, bold, confident, unapologetic. I tried not to make eye contact at first, but her personality was infectious. She made me laugh. She challenged me. She helped me see the difference between helping people and enabling them and what she called “throwing pearls to swine” was.

Holly’s differences drew out parts of me that needed to be nurtured. Even when I was broken, alone, angry, and a complete mess, she made me feel loved and appreciated. She gave me permission to be my silly, unconventional self. For that, I will always be grateful.

Life is still being managed one step at a time, but the connection remains. Even after months of silence, I know I can call and pick up right where we left off and that kind of safe presence changes everything. ~Michelle